he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
