Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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