VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
