No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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