I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
