Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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