i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
