Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
