took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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