How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
