i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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