Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
