Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
