OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
