i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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