My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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