Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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