i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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