Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Help. Why am I so naked?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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