You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
