You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
