I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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