atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
