well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
