I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
