At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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