the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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