saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
