I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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