i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
