I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize