I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
only you would photoshop your dick
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
