No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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