I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
