Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
