Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
