hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
