His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
