I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
