The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
