Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
