Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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