I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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