You just made me feel so damn special
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
