he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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