So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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