help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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