What a fucking waste of an outfit
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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