You smell like a Billy Joel song
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
