I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize