Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
MIDGETS
????
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
