She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
