There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
