This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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