32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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