I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
