I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
