you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
