I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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