11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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