I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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