I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
