the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
