hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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