Moan for me like Helen Keller
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
