this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
