He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
