youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
