He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
