I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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