I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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