Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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