can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
