I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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