when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
