We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
