she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
