I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
